If you didn’t already know, I’m an animal lover. I’m a real sucker for anything which is cute, fluffy, mistreated, newly born or making funny noises.
I rescued a rabbit from inevitable death on the road last year, made a pen in the garden out of old doors and MDF, fed it half of the veg I was intending to have for tea, and printed out a note for the local shop window. He was returned to his owner before the day was out. I rescued a baby duck from the worrying hands of an unruly teenager once, as well, and looked after him for the night before taking him to the animal shelter.
There are numerous feral cats which find their way through my cat-flap and I have a really hard job sometimes throwing them out. The last one – a little black, innocent looking sweetie – I didn’t notice at first. He was snuggled between the pillows and cushions on my bed, right in the corner, looking like E.T did when he was hiding in amongst the toys in the wardrobe. He didn’t even blink, bless him. One of my cats (Bo) isn’t actually mine but has lived here for four years now. Yep…I’m a sucker.
What’s strange though is that I have absolutely no idea why I love them so much because basically, they’re just a huge pain in the ass. Actually, they’re a pain in a much bigger place than that.
I woke up this morning, wondered into the kitchen, and was greeted with a big pile of shit on the floor. Actually, it wasn’t a pile, because liquid doesn’t gather in heaps, does it? It was 4am and I thought “Ok, I can deal with this. It’s just poo. I dealt with it last night, and I can deal with it again.” (Yes, there was a similar pile in a similar place 24 hours previously.) So I ran upstairs for a toilet roll, unwound a length about 3 miles long and covered it over. Then, of course, you kind of have to drag and scoop, don’t you, to get it up. And I’m sure in doing that, the transparent skin on the top of it is broken, and the smell is enough to render an entire nation immobile. After much gagging I disposed of it all, washed my hands, and went to put the kettle on which is directly above the cat bowls. That’s when I got a cat biscuit lodged between the toes of my left foot and a lump of cat meat stuck to the heel of my right. I did a stupid little ‘uugh’ dance and proceeded to kick over the cat water. More bloody mess.
I made my tea and went upstairs to the bathroom, where Barney was asleep in the laundry basket, undoubtedly covering everything with hair. Shaking my head, I did what I had to do, turned around, and noticed some yellow water in the bath. That’ll be Barney…who when winter comes and he’s feeling particularly lazy or cold, seems to think it’s ok to pee down the plughole. So I cleaned the bath and walked into the bedroom to get something. That’s when I saw Bo curled up on the end of the bed. I knew that he’d walked all over the damn thing before settling down though, because the entire duvet – the duvet I had washed, dried and replaced yesterday – was covered in muddy footprints.
Back downstairs, I sat down to drink my tea. And there, swimming about on the top, was a flea. Now, you may think one flea isn’t too bad, but where there is one there are probably 90 generations of them, all waiting to pounce.
So I tipped the tea down the sink and put the kettle on for another one, cursing, because now I have to go to the vet for Front Line (which is not cheap). Meanwhile, both cats had arrived and were rubbing against my legs for breakfast. So I washed out the bowls, give them some fresh food, and they sniffed it, stared at me, sniffed it some more and then waltzed off in a mood like I was the most inconsiderate person in the world. Through the front room they went, only stopping to attempt a quick scratch of their claws on the sofa. I shouted, and they ran…bounding up the stairs. One of them had obviously made a dive for the dressing table because bottles were flying everywhere. So up I went again, picked up the bottles, cursed a bit more, and came back down to find an ugly looking monstrosity with eyes like the devil eating my cat’s food. So I shooed him out of the cat flap.
Honestly, my love of animals makes no sense whatsoever. Why the hell did I rescue a rabbit? I hate rabbits. They’re the most anti-social creatures I know. My last one could kick better than Jackie Chan. As for the duck, he cost me twenty quid, a sleepless night and a whole load of mess.
I made another cup of tea, sat down, turned on my computer, loaded google, and that’s when I saw him:
Maurie, my interactive google cat, who was sitting there like butter wouldn’t bloody melt.
Well, I know better.
I deleted the bastard.
Used to have eight cats (well four were kittens) around the house back in 2000. Now there’s one and he’s outside. I’ll stick with my dogs. Ok, one lives with my ex girlfriend in Australia…BR/BR/I’ve simpified my pet life…
You are like my sister-in-law. She currently has three cats and a border collie, but is always picking up the odd stray that wanders into her house. I had to laugh at the cat in the laundry basket. Our cat has phases where she sleeps in one place and then moves on to another. Her current spot is the laundry basket. I had put some chunky sweaters in there to be washed ready for the winter and she settled down and went to sleep. I haven’t had the heart to empty it as she is obviously so comfortable in there. So we are going to have to brave the cold without them!
I’m cute and furry….
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaBR/BR/*breathe*BR/BR/Oh this was great. My day is going to be great now after reading this.BR/BR/It makes me feel normal when I’m half under the kids bed yelling at Baxter, all the while trying to reach back to that very corner under a bed where you can’t reach just so that precious dog will give me back the damn TV remote.
LMAO!BR/BR/I’m laughing with ya, not at ya!BR/This sounds like my house. With the 5 dogs, 3 cats, the cockatiel, fish and the ball python, not to mention the 4 kids running around there is never a dull moment OR lack of mess.BR/BR/I hope your day gets better. *smooch*
I love my pets too, for the same unreasonable reasons you love yours
BR/I loved this post.BR/xo
My cat poops in the bath these days. That’s not to say she doesn’t have a litter tray directly in front of it…no no, she just prefers to hop right on in the bath and do it there. Which is really nice in the evening when all you want is a nice hot bath, and instead you have to clear up a heap of really stinky cat shit before you can get in it. Or in the morning when you want a shower really quickly and there’s a present waiting instead. BR/BR/She’s old and she yowls. Plus one of the dogs has a manky ear. BR/BR/But oh how I love the little scamps.
I was eating when I started reading this posting – strange, but I seem to have suddenly lost my appetite!BR/BR/I think you can get some radio type device for a cat’s collar that allows the cat-flap to open but prevents other cats without the device entering. Perhaps I’m just imagining it and if so I should take it on the Dragons’ Den and make some money from the idea?
Is it okay that I added you to my blog list? Oh and what happened to the other blog?BR/BR/Jen
Very funny stuff. Of course, you know why you love ‘em. It’s because, when Ithey/I love Iyou/I, it’s absolute and without condition.BR/BR/Aside from the shit, of course.
I could have easilly written that about my two, Belle latest trick is sliding under the settee sideways and then turning over and getting stuck, I have everything from telephone directories to boots and shoes blocking her from getting under it now.BR/BR/I know it will fail at some point and she will get stuck again..lol..xx
I’m exactly the same – the only reason we dont have more animals is that Bussie is such a megalomaniac. I can see I’ll turn into one of those eccentric old women surrounded by animals!
awwww…I love animals, too. Although I despise cleaning up after them and as I’m quite picky about the cleanliness of the floors in the house it leads me to get quite anxious and bitchy at times.
Esp. now that my 8 year old has a new puppy.
MWM is talking about getting a dog after 15 years of being without one. I think I’ll dissuade him.:(
why is it that in a house ful of males (all bigger than me) I get to be the lucky one who has to clear up the cat mess every time?
Ever thought about investing in a roll of masking tape and covering your cat flap with it to stop the strays getting in? I mean that hole in the door not your actual cat flap! Umm err, what have I started!
BR/BR/The old jokes are the best aren’t they. Hehe.
Yeh why do we love them????
roflmao – loved the way you deleted Maurie without a backward glance… too funny.
The best story I have is with my 32 rabbits that all died from mixymotisis on the same day.BR/BR/I buried them in a mass grave…BR/BR/’Miss; you would have been shattered.BR/BR/Other than that; I had a kitten born without any front legs or tail. It was dead. Scary looking, it was. But I guess that’s what happens when incest occurs between the mother and son cat… BR/BR/Buffoon
I found a possum in the park a month ago. It was a cold morning and under this tree, there was a tiny ball of fur. It looked like it had had it’s head cut off. I touched it and it moved. So I picked it up it fitted into my hand easily. It was cold so I put it in the breast pocked of my jacket.BR/I hurried home with the little bundle and when I got home I put it in a shoe box with a hot water bottle for company. Being mainly nocturnal it was very sleepy. An hour later I dropped it off at the local vets they were going to check it out and then pass it on to a volunteer who will look after it until it can be released back into the park community.BR/We called him Reggie but it may be a girl. We don’t know.BR/Cheers Mark x
PS there’s a tag for you on my post tomorrow if you fancy doing it.
I’d have an army of cats and dogs in my house. I always worry that cats will bring in fleas for some reason!BR/BR/CJ xx
Google said I’d like your blog. It didn’t lie. I laughed out loud! BR/BR/One Christmas Eve several years back I took my cat to the vet — emergency appointment — and paid almost $500.00 for a c-section. What did that land me? A momma cat too sick to mama and three live babies needing bottle fed every two hours. It took momma 3 days to rouse and interest in her brood and by then I was damn near comatose from lack of sleep!BR/BR/quilldancer.com