Oh gawd. Do these ridiculously stupid work training days ever change?
DAY ONE
“Pair up and spend 5 minutes telling the other person all about why you applied to work for this wonderful company and which famous person you’d like to take out for dinner and blah blah blah”
“Take this piece of paper and get into a group of four and draw a picture of the shop floor and make sure you put Mr Rush and Miss Happy and Ms Condescending in there…and here are some pretty felt tip pens…”
“Now we’d like you to watch this video which is a TRUE STORY about how one packer in a supermarket made ALL the difference to his customer’s experience. You see….everyone can make a difference!”
“How about we all pretend to be a mystery shopper for twenty minutes and then come back and tell everyone about our experiences?” Wouldn’t that be fun!”
“Now we’re going to watch a really serious film about health and safety which will teach you all about having to bend your knees when you pick up boxes and how to erect a stepladder correctly and loads and loads of other exciting stuff!”
“And now we’re going to stand in a circle and play catch.”
“Now for the best bit. I’m going to spend two hours telling you all about the history of the company, dating back to the 1700’s. I’m even going to tell you which building materials were used! I bet you can’t wait!”
DAY TWO
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
I think I’m ready.
I see you have sucessfully got to grips with the training in under 12hrs, congrats ;o)BR/BR/I hate the pub chains, as they never go for staff based on experience or attitude, stick to local pubs at least you already know that the landlord will BR/BR/a: Be friendly and welcomingBR/b: as above but will moan behind your back if you have only brought a coke and a cheap sandwich and how dare you treat his pub like a cafe.
*booty shake*BR/BR/BR/Did that help wake ya’ up???
I wanna play catch…BR/You sound SO excited!BR/BR/I hope the job is better than the training.
Sounds like you paid attention.BR/BR/Hope you end up liking this job. xo
Ugh. I’m glad I work at a small company without all of that rigamarole. I’d have to punch someone. That probably wouldn’t be good for my continued employment.
Well if you were playing catch with a hand grenade…BR/BR/Years back the telecommunications company I worked for made this procedures video doing a take off on the X-Files, it was SO bad. But what was worse was we had to rewatch it once a year after that…
I usually use training days to write short stories, poems or an odd chapter or two. I get really annoyed when they interfere with a workshop.
So the most exciting part of the day was lunch then!
Good Afternoon Laney,BR/BR/A company with a history dating back to only the 1700’s, over there don’t they call that a startup.BR/BR/It sounds like the whole training program is a test, if you can make it through that you can make it through anything. Hopefully the real work will be more exciting.BR/BR/Thank you, for the link someday I’m gonna learn how to do that.
I am so glad I don’t have to do anything like that except watch safety videos….
It sounds so unbelievably exciting, and OMG, how much more useful could it be to the real world? My sympathies!
oh lordy – are you going to be able to bear it? Doesn’t sound too promising so far…
I hate it, hate it, hate it, how bloody condesending and patronising are they training courses.BR/BR/You will be just fine when the training is over, good luck…xx
I’ve been seeing you around Bloggerville Elaine…I think you need to start thinking about doing a Friday Flash 55…Galen
oh, that takes me back! not to forget the “how to lasso the lecturer and bind him to the chair, while we escape” session!!
i agree w g-man…you#39;d be great at flash fiction, laney
BR/BR/as for customer service/retail training…what a big snoozefest! i would want to take a needle amp; poke my out after that lol (well, not really, but you get what i mean lol)
Snooooooooooooooooze! Health and safety DVDs / presentations need to die. I know how to pick up a box fa gods sake!
It can only get better…right?!
None of that stuff and nonsense in our shop. But I did like the references to bending, by the knees, erecting via a ladder, and holding in a circle. Could this be a training programme for another type of work place.BR/Woof xBR/Have you heard from Miss Construed?
OK…….This was fun to read!BR/BR/I’m going to enjoy following your blog!
I know I am reading it backwards and know the end before the beginning, but it is still funny.BR/BR/(Not commenting on each one, but reading…)