I pulled on a pair of jeans yesterday and a spider the size of a saucer fell out of the trouser leg. I kid you not…it was massive. Being an arachnophobic, it was not a very good way to start my day. The mere thought of it trying to make a home inside my clothes resulted in a very out of control woman who four hours later still felt like it was crawling up her thigh. Anyway, I managed to trap it with the lid of my anti wrinkle cream, slid the last page of a really crap book underneath it, and tossed it out of the window.
Back downstairs when I’d just finished hyperventilating there was an almighty bang and the sound of shattering glass. It turned out that the bathroom lightbulb – fitment included – had spontaneously combusted. WTF? And because it’s common knowledge that things always come in threes, I spent the rest of the day waiting for something else to happen. Which it didn’t. Thank God.
My first two days at work went ok. I learned a few things I wasn’t previously aware of such as: the bottom button of a waistcoat should never be fastened; I should never – under any circumstances – attempt to measure a gentleman’s inside leg (damn shame, that…), a bride can be a complete bitch when her wedding is 24 hours away (the bride’s mother even more so) and I’m entitled to 30% discount (which may come in handy later in the month as we’ve been invited to The Policeman’s Ball). It was also sprung on me that I’ll have to get to grips with a sewing machine as all trousers come unhemmed and have to be sewn for each individual. Crikey. What do they think I am? A woman or something? The last time I used a sewing machine was in 1977 when I made a little yellow apron at school, and was subsequently made to sit on the headmistresses table at lunchtime for an entire week for buggering it up. (Actually, I think they were punishing me for getting in a strop and stamping it into the classroom floor; and not because I had more chance of growing a third leg than becoming a seamstress.)
Well, Rob has a bacon butty on the go and I’m off for a shower before I head into work. Have a happy Monday!
Amazing what you learn isn’t it? Part of me is also amazed that such a shop as that exists nowadays…
I think if it had been me, I would have had to throw away the spider jeans.
I don’t much like spiders…BR/Good for you for not squishing it!BR/BR/I hope the sewing maching experiment goes well.BR/BR/Have a fantastic day!
Good luck with the sewing machine, remeber, keep your fingers out of the way. The spider reminds me when i found one crawing up my shirt, I shat myself.
Eeewwwwww….the spider!!! I am with Kristen, I would have had to throw the jeans away and maybe move. Eeeewwwwww!
Haha…I can imagine the blokes face when you tried to “measure his inside leg”, alright Miss, there’s no fooling us….is that what they call it these days? “Come here my love, I just want to measure your inside leg?” wink wink, nudge nudge.BR/BR/Probably thought all his Christmases had come early…
i hate spiders, bugs, insects, you name it of any kind. {{{shivers}}}BR/BR/i knew the rule about a man’s coat. ha ha about not measuring the inside leg LOL
Arachnophobia’s bad but belonemechanophobia (a fear of sewing machines – not really I made it up, though belone – needle, mechano – machine) could be 10 times worse in your job! Won’t they let you use wondaweb instead?BR/BR/You’re sounding a lot chirpier hon. An invite to The Policeman’s Ball eh? I’m sure there’s a joke in there somewhere.
Ok, educate me, what is a bacon butty?BR/BR/Hope your work went well today.BR/Congrats on the job!
Whew!BR/BR/Lucky you don’t live here in Australia – you should see the size of our spiders!BR/BR/Came here from Crystal Jigsaw.
Yes, what is a bacon butty?BR/BR/Do a google search on Huntsman Spiders, and see what I had crawling around the walls in my house in Australia. I killed the first one, and then my girlfriend had a fit about it, saying they were harmless. So after that I let them live. Still gives me the shivers though.BR/BR/Glad the job is going well!
FP – I guesss people will always want to get married!BR/BR/KJ – If I could afford some more, I probably would have done! They’ll never feel the same again.BR/BR/Heather – I used to squish them (shame on me) but however much I hate them, I guess we all deserve to live, right?BR/BR/Barman – I shall try not to sew up my fingers. Nor shit myself!BR/BR/Evening – Move? LMAO! You’re so funny! xBR/BR/Jo – I was actually on my hands and knees at the time, right in front of him, and thought “hmmm. How do I go about this?” He didn’t seem bothered in the slightest!BR/BR/Ciara – Me too. I can’t stand them…I’m such a girl.BR/BR/Ak – I did ask about wondaweb and the boss raised her eyebrows and frowned at me.BR/I love the made up phobia name. I’d have believed that!BR/BR/Blessed – A bacon butty? Well bacon is bacon and a butty is a sandwich. Simple really! We have chip butties too. (Fries.)BR/Thanks for the congrats – it’s going pretty good so far
BR/BR/David – The thought of it makes me go insane. I don’t know how you lot cope!BR/Thanks for visiting by the way – I’ll be over at yours in a moment. Oh…and come back soon!BR/BR/Fusion – I can’t! I typed half the word into google and then lost my bottle. Even a picture sends me over the edge.BR/A butty is a sandwich, Fuse. And a bacon one is scrummy.
bacon butties..yum, but a chip butty? sounds like something my kids would eat. *getting indigestion thinking about it* LOL
Ciara – with a smothering of ketchup. Yummy!
I understand the bacon part, but what the hell is a “butty?”BR/BR/And why can’t you measure a man’s inside leg?BR/BR/Life can be so confusing, at times . . .BR/BR/XO
Ooops, forgot one other one . . . “getting in a strop?”BR/BR/Sorry — separated by a common language, and all that . . .BR/BR/XO
I would rather hand sew a hem on a pair of pants than try them on the sewing machine, because I am sure I would totally botch the job and ruin the pants. Was this in your job description, or did they just spring this on you? A spider in the morning in the Netherlands means bad luck, one in the evening means happiness. It’s a good thing you didn’t kill it.
Good Afternoon Laney,BR/BR/So if you can’t measure a gentleman’s inseam, how do you know where to put the hem?
Jim – butty = sandwich.BR/Measuring an inside leg with the trousers still on would mean having to get up close and personal with his manbits. I guess it’s not considered to be advisable in today’s climate of ever increasing weirdos. We have to pin the hem and then measure it when the trousers are off. It’s all a bit silly really!BR/BR/Getting in a strop is getting in a mood. It apparantly is a shortened version of the word obstreperous, which means noisily and stubbornly defiant.BR/BR/I’m a wealth of information, me!BR/BR/Irene – No, it wasn’t in the job description but these days things rarely are. Employers usually list the main responsibilities and then cover their asses by saying ‘and anything else which may be required!’BR/BR/A spider ANY time of the day is bad luck!BR/BR/Karl – See above!
did i mention i happen to HATE ketchup???? LOL blech!BR/BR/*jumps up amp; down*-i knew what getting in a strop meant. ha ha
Hey Miss UBR/BR/Just letting you know I think I worked out how the question to my email I just sent you; how to enable invited only readers to my blog. I’ve had to temporarily shut it down for privacy reasons( none of You Lot; it’s closer to home if you get my meaning); but have entered your email and hopefully this means you can still access it.BR/BR/PS Grump(if you’re reading) I haven’t forgotten you. I’ll pop past your blog and get your email address so I can add you to the list.BR/BR/Take care Miss UBR/BR/rn xBR/BR/ Any problems finding it please let me know
Ciara – Ten points for you!BR/BR/They’re equally as yummy without the ketchup. Try one and let me know. (The fries have to be home made, and not those yukky shop bought frozen ones though!)BR/BR/Miss C – (That sounds weird!) Yep, I got in ok, and am now waiting patiently
x
PS Congratulations on Post of the Day over at Authorblog.
Hi, Miss U! I’m arrived from authorblog. Congrats on making Post of the Day! I greatly enjoyed your post and I’ll be back for more.BR/BR/Your tale of the spider in your pants’ leg gives me the shivers, it does! You were more kind (throwing it outside) than I would have been under similar circumstances. BR/BR/Oh… I read to the bottom of the page. I’d like chocolate, please.
Hi Miss U,BR/BR/Popped over from David’s place. Congratulations on making his list. BR/BR/Eek, on the spider! I’d have looked to make sure it wasn’t poisonous before I got anywhere near it. And I’d have decided on a different pair of pants!BR/BR/Loved your size based on fear description. A friend who raises them tells me there really is a spider that grows to 12 inches across. Aren’t you glad you didn’t meet that one? BR/BR/Peace!BR/Lee
I came via David’s authorblog, and glad I did! Your writing is delightful…and I learned about bacon buttys. I’m with the other gals: the jeans would have been sent flying out the window. You’re a brave soul!
This is really strange. Blogger has eaten about 6 comments. Where’d they go, huh? BR/BR/To the two new people who commented, thanks so much for visiting. I wish I knew who you were!
Came over from Authorblog, and so glad I did. Love this post. Was laughing hard through the entire next-to-last paragraph!