I had an interview last week…just for a little part time job in a bridal/menswear shop in the town.
I arrived about ten minutes early and was told the proprietor was stuck in a traffic jam and would be a bit late, so it was suggested that I walk around the shops for half an hour and then go back. Well that was just great – it was at least three hundred degrees outside and I was all togged up in stiff, stuffy, interviewesque gear. But I smiled politely, left, and walked around sweating like a pig perspiring like a lady until I was so hot that my feet were slopping around in my slip on shoes and I could feel blisters forming by the second. That wasn’t the only problem though… I was wearing trousers and they kept getting caught underneath my heels.
There was only one thing for it. New shoes. And off I headed to the shoe shop.
Being the unfortunate owner of the most unladylike feet in the world, buying a new pair of shoes is never any easy task, especially as most are designed for women who’ve either had their feet bound or have had three of their toes removed. But anyway, I grabbed a few pairs and sat on a chair, willing my sticky, swollen toes to slip into something.
Well, what a complete waste of time that was. All I managed to achieve was to get even more hot, more frustrated and more sticky. I left the shop and walked back through town feeling a bit like Cinderella who would never in a zillion years make it to the ball, let alone find her prince. I checked the time and saw I had about eight minutes remaining so decided to find a shady spot and stand very still for seven of them, to try and cool down. And that’s when I realised I’d left my jacket in the shoe shop. So back I went…rushing this time in fear of it getting pinched. Fortunately it was still there. Unfortunately time was running out and I had to get back for my interview.
God only knows what I looked like when I arrived.
There were 4 flights of stairs and a few corridors to walk along before we reached the interview room. I really wanted to walk behind the boss, but she did that ‘after you’ thing with her arm and so I took the lead, still squelching as I walked.
Interview over with, I met my parents in the supermarket. The first thing my Stepdad said was “are you alright?”
“Well, I’m a bit hot, but other than that…”
“I can see you’re hot,” he said, “but I didn’t mean that.”
He was staring at my ass and saying to my Mum “Look at her ass!”
“What’s the matter with it?” she said, walking behind me to have a look.
“She’s shit herself!” he said. And he said it so loud that a few other people in the salad aisle had a look as well.
“You didn’t go the interview like THAT, did you? “ Mum said.
When I got home, I had a look in the mirror. And right there, on my ass, right at the bottom, right on top of my (how do I say this nicely?) my ummmm chocolate starfish was…exactly that.
I’d sat on a chocolate bar. And it was everywhere.
Have any of you visited Jo over at Please Don’t Eat With Your Mouth Open? She takes pictures of things like this all the time. I had this vision of walking through town and eighty people behind me reaching for their mobile phones to get a shot of it.
When my phone rang last night and it was the woman offering me the job, I was speechless. I start on Friday.
“Any questions?” she asked.
“Yes. What would you like me to wear?”
“Well,” she went on, “any smart formal wear is fine. As for footwear, I don’t allow boots and heels aren’t advisable. But, being a woman, I’m sure you have a wardrobe full of shoes to choose from!”
Yeah, right.
Guess what I’m doing today?
Hi lady, thanks for the visit, I tried to contact you but it was your other blog I had. So pleased you got the job, despite all your misfortune.
Hi Queenie! BR/I lost all my links in my last blog and had to go right back to my first ever blog to grab what links I had there (not many at all). I emailed all the people I could too, telling them I’d moved. I was searching blogs for one of your comments this morning and luckily found one! So glad to have you back on my blogroll
congrats on getting your job! it’s a step in some kind of direction, eh? lmao @ your stepdad saying you shit yourself. if that were me, my son would prob do the same. he likes the embarrassment and misfortunes of people. he’s weird like that. LOLBR/BR/hey, maybe you can stop by and give a question for my ‘dear ciara’ post? so far i have NO takers. well, ok…only one. pretty please?
LOL
well done for getting that job MissU! As for the chocolate bar – oh lordy. Did she notice I wonder? Or was it beneath her to comment? Presumably…. I wonder what she thought… yuo can see my mind leaping off at tangents!
ooo good question on my blog. i’m gonna make a post as soon as i get more than TWO questions. LOL
Hi Miss congrats on the job.BR/Maybe it was the chcolate starfish on show that helped ;o) I do feel for you though with your dad pointing it out like that.BR/BR/Take it easy
Ciara – Thanks for the congrats. If nothing else, at least I’ll get the opportunity to measure all those inside legs!BR/BR/I’ve posted 2 questions now for you. Good luck!BR/BR/FP – I’m going to ask her tomorrow if she noticed. I can’t imagine she’d have given me the job if she did though.
Barman – Yeah, perhaps she just felt really sorry for me!
HAVE I TOLD YOU HOW HAPPY I AM TO HAVE YOU BACK HERE???BR/BR/I am laughing me head off reading this. I am so sorry about the CHOCOLATE BAR incident but so pleased you got the job. YAY YOU!!BR/BR/xo
Evening – YES YOU DID! Woohoo!BR/BR/WHEN I come to your house and we play dressing up, and I try on ALL your lovely clothes, there will come a moment when we reach the shoes. And I’ll be able to do nothing other than sit on the floor, cross legged, with a pouty face, because I won’t be able to try any of them on
BR/BR/I CAN’T WAIT!!!!BR/BR/xxx
omg… I bet you were mortified!BR/BR/Congrats on the new job and good luck on the shoe shopping!
oh, shoe shopping!! take me, take me!!!
Good Evening Laney,BR/BR/I’m still wiping the tears out of my eyes, what a hoot!BR/BR/Congratulations on the job.
Hi Miss Understood–BR/I just read your whole blog!BR/Wow….blimey o’reilly! You have gone thru some crap!BR/I swear you should write a book.BR/I was on the edge of my seat wondering what was going to happen next. Bloody hell! I said to myself this is not a mere story, it’s her life. BR/You are one strong, courageous woman.BR/I admire your strength and honesty.BR/So glad to see you blogging.BR/I had stopped by Leigh’s blogBR/awhile back and left a message to her asking where you were since I couldn’t find your old blog.BR/Glad to read you again. BR/I wish you the best.BR/XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Glisten…..woman glisten not sweat
BR/BR/it sounds sexier!!!!
You write in such a way, that I am reliving each moment with you and my toes start to sweat also. BR/BR/I am glad that they liked you well enough even with that chocolate star on your rear end, it says a lot for you. BR/BR/Yes, I am sure you have a closet full of appropriate footwear, just like I do. Ha, ha. Some women have a real sense of humor.BR/BR/You are such a survivor. To me you belong to one of the tough broads, and you know that is a compliment, don’t you? I am trying to be one myself and I am getting there.
Oh my god…I’m actually salivating a little bit at the thought of scoring a photo like that. That would be immense. I’d be grinning from ear to ear and posting it immediately, no doubt.BR/BR/Err, I mean, errm, how unfortunate. BR/BR/Awful for you.BR/BR/Yikes. How embarrassing.BR/BR/Congrats on the job. Hey maybe your boss got a picture? If so, can you send me it?
Oh you changed your blog name! When did that happen?BR/BR/I just got back from two weeks in Kefalonia so I’m sure I’vemissed a lot. BR/BR/I’m so glad you got the job and I bet they never even noticed you’d got a starfish on your bum! Well done you. BR/BR/I love shoe shopping – need any help?
Crikey Laney, I’ve just caught up with your posts – you’ve been through the mill gal.
I just caught up with the rest of your posts Laney, my rss feed wasn’t working right (no doubt due to traipsing around the country).BR/BR/You have been through too much these past months. I hope things are working out better now. BR/BR/Are you planning to visit Maureen soon? You’ll have a great time, she’s a wonderful lady (course you know Ithat/I…).
Heather – I was! And thanks. xBR/BR/April – I HATE it. You can go in my place if you want
BR/BR/Karl – Was it really that funny? I’m flattered 
Thanks!BR/BR/Blessed – You always say the kindest, sweetest things. Thank you. Glad to have you back again. xBR/BR/KJ – I’ll remember that. I’m kinda forgetting what sexy is.
Irene – A toughh broad, eh? That is indeed a compliment. Thank you!BR/You know I think you’re far stronger than me, don’t you? You amaze me with how well you cope with things. xBR/BR/Jo – For some strange reason I thought of you immediately! Next time I do something stupid I’ll take a pic and send it. You shouldn’t have to wait too long
BR/BR/Ak – Hope you had a great holiday! My old blog got closed down, so when I came back I thought I’d do something fresh – seeing as it’s a bit of a new chapter in my life. Also, I thought it was perhaps a good time to lose the posse of people from my home town who had discovered me…this way I can be a bit less censored!BR/BR/As for shoe shopping – I need all the help I can get, including extra leather 
BR/BR/Fuse – Hope you’re having a great time, you lucky thing.BR/BR/Things are better now, bu I’m still missing my son immensely and worried abot him. Fingers crossed, things will workout soon.BR/BR/I have wanted to visit Maureen for 2 years now, and one day I will. It’s just a question of finances at the moment. I can’t WAIT to meet her in the flesh!
Its good to be back on your roll. Been reading back through your posts, I’m so sorry you’ve had such s–t to sort out. Yet you still keep your humour and quick wit,I do hope things sort out soon….(((HUGS)))
Thanks Queenie. x
Well a new start is good and I like the new name. I hope things will start improving for you now Laney. xx
So do I, Ak! So do I! x