I absolutely detest night clubs. Everything about them. Seriously… sofa, slippers and X Factor is a much more exciting prospect on a Saturday night. My idea of a good night out does not involve freezing my tits off outside a club for half an hour before the jerks on the door decide to open it. Nor does it involve having to contort my body into half its original width at the bar while being simultaneously touched up by half of the city, and then having to stand there for six songs waiting for my invisible dust to disappear. Hello? Are you a barmaid? Do you serve women as well?
People go to a nightclub for two reasons… to dance or to pull….so I find it really strange that it’s actually impossible to achieve either. The dance floor is always ankle deep in beer and impossible to get on to. It’d be easier trying to find a bloody space on a sinking ship’s last lifeboat. If you do manage to make it on there, you have to do this pathetic dance where you wiggle your knees and keep your feet still. (No wonder I always came home on my own!) I never had a hope in hell’s chance of finding a decent bloke in there anyway, cos pond never really did it for me.
It’s not fair. What’s a girl to do if she just wants to dance?
Admittedly, I’ve been known to draw the curtains and funk my stuff in the front room before, but it’s not the same when you can’t feel the bass in your blood, is it? And to be honest, I always feel like a bit of an idiot. I’m also one of those really annoying women who’ll drag you onto the dance floor at a wedding as soon as the DJ plays his first song (and I don’t even care if it’s the Music Man, Superman, or Agadoo), but what if everyone you know is getting divorced instead of married?
There is the gay bar I suppose, which is a much better option than a night club. First off, they play better music. Secondly, you don’t have to spend the entire night getting hit on by jerks. And best of all, the men behind the bar tend to wear very little…sometimes nothing more than a pouch… and that in itself is a good enough reason to go. But surely there should be more options for people like me?
Come on…aren’t any of you getting married?
Ali?
Damn. You are already.
Suze?
Anbody?
Come on….not even an on-line wedding?
You lot are hopeless!
Oooooh! Update!!!!!
I managed to get myself on 25 Peeps! Woohoo! I thought they’d taken one look at my photo and thrown me in the bin, cos it took MONTHS!
Anyhow….could you all be really kind and sweet and click this LINK for me? I know I’m up against Suze, but she must have at least a million clicks by now, lol. Actually, why don’t you click it and when you get there, click Suze’s, and kill two birds with one stone.They don’t call me a genius for nothin’ ya know!
*doing a happy dance now!*
Hang on…..2nd update.
I don’t think I’m a genius after all. Perhaps it would be better to click the link, then click my picture to get back here again…..and then click the link again, and then click Suze’s boobies?
In fact, why not just do it all day long?
Whad’ya mean, youve got work to do?
I’ve thought long and hard about this one and I’m pleased to say I’ve found a solution…
Take up the sport of gate crashing!!
I’m not one for clubs anymore either, Miss; I hate the sleazebags at the bar too…
I’m clicking 4 you
I clicked on you, Miss U.! And then I clicked on Suze. And I’d do more, except . . . yes, I have to go to work!
Dancing! Yes, we ought to get together and do some dancing! We don’t need a club, just a CD player, something to drink, and time . . . lots of time.
I do have work to do….like clicking and backing and clicking and backing.
That’s a gorgeous pic, by the way…sexy and saucy and, well, you.
I used to dance in public, until I realized I was whiter than Dick Clark; more rhythm-impaired than Al Gore; more left-footed than Christy Brown.
I still, though, am able to force the occasional beer down the Tedgullet.
As I am sure you remember, I too, have been known to funk my stuff in the front room with the curtains drawn…but then again, I sing too, and you know what that sounds like!
As far as any of us getting married, well, yes, I am, though I’m afraid you’ll have to wait until the first day of spring.
Can you hold on that long? If not, draw those curtains and have at it!
I’ve been clicking
Gays bars are DEFINITELY better when it comes to dancing! God Bless the gay bars…
Sorry Miss U. I didn’t follow your rules. I clicked on you and came back to this website, and then I got discombobulated.
Which boobs are Suze’s? I’m so confused. lol.
So you got 2 of my clicks. Congrats Miss U. You’re no longer at 25.
Mike – That’s a bloody good idea, actually!
We had a woman who gate crashed our wedding, and offered Rob a BJ in the toilet! (Perhaps I’ll blog about that one day, lol.)
rn_buffoon – Oh…I thought it was just me! What is it with them? They’ve probably sussed out that it’s the men who buy them the drinks…amongst other things, lol.
Thanks Art x
Cherrie – Aww, I knew I could count on you. Thanks. x
Ok, your place….I’ll bring the music, you provide the wine, and we can both take care of the entertainment
Ted – And I bet it’s a mighty fine gullet you have
I must confess….I had to google. Anyway, forget that….with the curtains closed and no one looking, all dancing is good. Especially if you only have your boxers on. x
The Big One – O Jesus….I certainly felt the earth move on that rendition!
Oh. My. God.
She actually said yes!!!!!
After hearing and seeing that????
I need to email her, lol.
Congratulations!!! FTH. x
I just wish I could be there to deliver it. x
Robyn – Thanks sweetie. Hey…have you clicked on the TMI site? John Taylor is strutting his stuff! x
I clicked, returned and clicked, returned and clicked, returned and clicked and got a bit of a beat going …… Now I want to dance? Anybody fancy a bit of gate crashing tonight?
You’ve been clicked by the Savage…
No problems with the dance clubs out here… plenty of room to dance…
you bring the music, cherri can provide the wine….I get to provide the ENTERTAINMENT!
I hate night clubs!!!…but despite being straight i LOVE gay bars!
Oh, and I clicked for you!